This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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