People in love make me want to vomit
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Everything about him screamed your future.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
