i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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