I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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