my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
third nipple confirmed
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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