Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
