I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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