Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he was CRYING into my vagina
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
