I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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