Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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