You really coming over, don't trick.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
