i just had sex bonerless
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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