it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize