Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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