She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
