Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
