On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
