I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
