Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
