I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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