You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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