I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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