Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
