This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
