We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
