Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
