I cannot find my penis.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
