He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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