he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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