There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
