AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize