I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
