let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
