I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
