i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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