I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize