I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
