the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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