I am puke
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
