On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
