The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
