Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
