She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
