She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize