She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
