You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I will pee on everything he values.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I forget how to act sober
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
