I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
pop tarts are not kleenex
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
