Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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