Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
