Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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