The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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