Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
