shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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