I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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