Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
