His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
