she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
