sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
