Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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