She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
