i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
