Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
