my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
