I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize